In a small town like ours, we pride ourselves on taking care of one another. We see familiar faces at the grocery store, at school events, at church, and around the plaza. We believe we know our neighbors. But the truth is, domestic abuse often happens quietly — behind closed doors — and it does not always look the way people expect. When most people think about domestic violence, they think about physical harm. What many don’t realize is that one of the most common and powerful forms of abuse involves something we all rely on every day: money. Financial abuse is about control. It happens when one partner uses money, employment, or access to resources to limit the other person’s independence and ability to make choices.

It can look like:

• Not allowing a partner to work or interfering with their job
• Taking their paycheck or controlling all financial accounts
• Giving them an allowance and monitoring every purchase
• Keeping financial information hidden
• Putting bills or debt in their name without their knowledge
• Threatening to withhold money if they don’t do what is expected

Often, this control starts subtly. It may be framed as “helping with the finances” or “taking care of things.” Over time, the balance shifts. The goal becomes dependence. The message becomes clear: You can’t make it without me.
Financial abuse rarely happens alone. It is usually part of a larger pattern of emotional, psychological, or physical control.

And here is the reality many people don’t see:

When someone does not have access to money, transportation, housing, or good credit, leaving an unhealthy or unsafe relationship can feel impossible.

In rural communities like ours, the barriers can be even greater. Job options may be limited. Housing can be hard to find. Childcare may not be available. And in a small town, there is also the fear of being judged, of people talking, or of not being believed. I want our community to understand something clearly: Financial abuse is real. It is serious.

And it is not the survivor’s fault. Leaving is not as simple as walking away. Many survivors have to rebuild their financial lives from the beginning — repairing credit, finding employment, securing housing, and learning to manage finances independently, sometimes for the first time. That takes courage. And it takes support. You may notice signs in someone you know:

• They never seem to have access to their own money
• Their partner controls all financial decisions
• They seem anxious or fearful about spending

Their work is disrupted or their job suddenly ends because of their partner. If you see these signs, the most powerful thing you can offer is not advice or judgment. It is compassion. You might simply say: “I’m here for you.” “You don’t deserve to feel controlled.” “You’re not alone.” Financial abuse grows in silence. Awareness and understanding help break that silence. At Community Against Violence, we work every day with survivors who are rebuilding their independence and their sense of stability. We help with safety planning, financial advocacy, housing resources, employment connections, and the emotional support that healing requires.

Through this work — and through my own journey — I have learned that abuse is always about power and control. Money is just one of the ways that control shows up. I have also learned that healing begins when survivors are met with understanding instead of judgment. In a small town, that understanding matters. Our willingness to listen, to believe, and to support one another can make all the difference. If you or someone you know may be experiencing financial or domestic abuse, help is available. You do not have to figure it out alone.

Everyone deserves safety. Everyone deserves dignity. And everyone deserves the freedom to make their own choices. That is the kind of community we can continue to build together. CAV HELPline (24/7): (575) 758-9888 CAV TEXTline (24/7): (575) 770-2706 At CAV, hope happens here — and you are never alone. Joella Ann Montoya is the Executive Director of Community Against Violence, Inc. (CAV) which offers FREE confidential support and assistance for adult and child survivors of sexual and domestic violence, dating violence, and stalking; community and school violence prevention programs; re-education BIP groups for domestic violence offenders; counseling; shelter; transitional housing; and community thrift store. To talk with someone or get information on services available, call CAV’s 24-hour HELPline at (575) 758-9888 or TEXTline at (575) 770-2706, or go to TaosCAV.org.