By JOELLA MONTOYA
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, COMMUNITY AGAINST VIOLENCE (CAV)
We live in a time when disappearing has become easy. A text left unanswered, a call ignored, a connection suddenly cut off — what we call “ghosting”. It happens in friendships, dating relationships, even within families and workplaces.
People often dismiss ghosting as part of modern life — uncomfortable, yes, but harmless. But for many, being ghosted leaves deep emotional bruises. The sudden silence can stir up confusion, self-blame, and anxiety. You start replaying conversations, questioning what you said or did wrong, and wondering why someone who once cared about you could vanish without a word.
At its core, ghosting is a form of emotional withdrawal — a refusal to communicate that can leave the other person in emotional limbo. While not every instance of ghosting is intentionally abusive, the pattern of using silence to punish, control, or avoid accountability can become a form of emotional abuse.
Healthy relationships — whether romantic, professional, or platonic — require open communication. When someone abruptly ends contact with no explanation, it removes your ability to seek clarity or closure. It can also mirror deeper patterns of emotional manipulation, where one person holds all the control by choosing when to engage and when to disappear.
For survivors of trauma or abuse, ghosting can be especially painful. It can reopen old wounds and reinforce feelings of abandonment or unworthiness. What might seem like a small act to one person can echo loudly for another.
What can we do?
We can start by naming this behavior. By recognizing that emotional harm doesn’t always leave visible scars. We can practice courage in communication — saying, “This isn’t working for me,” or “I need space,” instead of walking away in silence. And we can teach our young people that kindness and accountability matter, even when something is uncomfortable.
Healing from ghosting means remembering this truth: someone else’s silence is not a reflection of your value. You deserve honesty. You deserve clarity. You deserve people who don’t disappear when it gets hard.
At CAV, we talk a lot about all the ways harm shows up — and silence is one of them. Breaking that silence is how healing begins.
If you or someone you know is struggling after emotional or relational harm, you are not alone. Support is available 24/7 through CAV’s confidential hotline at (575) 758-9888.
Joella Ann Montoya is the Executive Director of Community Against Violence, Inc. (CAV) which offers FREE confidential support and assistance for adult and child survivors of sexual and domestic violence, dating violence, and stalking; community and school violence prevention programs; re-education BIP groups for domestic violence offenders; counseling; shelter; transitional housing; and community thrift store. To talk with someone or get information on services available, call CAV’s 24-hour HELPline at (575) 758-9888 or TEXTline at (575) 770-2706, or go to TaosCAV.org.
